hello.

so, a couple of things (like 3 things) that i want to get out of the way. 

First thing being that i am having a lot of doubts about this whole

artist thing im doing, because for the longest time i've wanted to 

put out work at a rapid pace, but i haven't been getting the best

time to do that. Not only that, but my motivation has been drastically

decreasing, and i've had moments where i would be trying

to sketch something to make it a drawing, but it kept turning out

wrong, and I would try to fix certain things, only to make it worse.

i've had to give up on a lot of great drawings that i think you guys

would've like. i've been having a lot of mental issues lately, and 

i don't want to continue to post or draw like this. now, this doesn't

mean that im leaving or anything like that, but im just very, very tired.

I always say that "i will '''''try''''' to postmore frequently", and yet that never

ends up happening. you see, the reason why i bring this all up is because

i realized something yesterday. i haven't been drawing for fun, but for fame instead.

when i had realized this, i realized how much of a pain in the ass

i was towards certain people that thought my art was great. Im very

sorry for those people who have had to hear that from me.

from the bottom of my heart, i really, really am sorry.

I had also realized that the reason why i havent been posting alot,

or completing drawings more often is because i had that sick mindset of,

"if i draw this the wrong way, people are going to point it out, and i cant have that.

i have to impress people, or else I won't be known, and i'll be a nobody to these people."

I want to fix this very badly. I don't want that mindset anymore.

I want to enjoy creating art, not using it as something to boost me up in popularity.

thats not what art is about at all. and if you were to see me drawing,

i'd be a wreck at even trying to draw the base sketch, because to be honest, i havent even been trying to practice.

i've basically just been looking at other peoples art and have been trying to get an understanding of how they do things that i cannot. of course, i could just ask how they do it, but i'm very introverted, so this is not an easy task.

same with trying to make friends on here, too. I feel as though i've been a cheap joke to all of you, and i am writing this to say that i'm sorry for being a phony. Again, i am not leaving, but i just wanted to get this out because i've been under so much stress, that i want it to go away.

That was thing 1.

Thing two is that i wanted to seem to be a very responsible,

and a very talented young adult, but that too was a lie.

i'm actually 16, and i've been wanting to share this for a while,

but i've been afraid of the backlash that this would have on me.

now most people wouldn't be surprised by this, since most newground kids start at like 15 or 16,

but to my fans, you would all know that i've been drawing some very suggestive art.

shit that a 16 yo wouldn't be interested in and yet draws this sort of thing.

if anyone is offended by this, then i can't blame you, i'd be too.

im just a teen trying to make a living on art, trying to make people happy, trying to not be a nobody.

I've been turned away by my father multiple times,

and my mom is almost on that plain (kinda) too, but she shows me love more than he does.

thats why i want to be known. so I don't feel alone, so i can feel like i've actually acomplished something in my life instead of wasting it like many kids do today. Thats what got me into art in the first place. I thought to myself, "if i can draw, then i won't be like other kids. I'll be myself, and that'll put some distance between what i can be, a successful 16 yo artist with a future ahead of him, and what i could possibly be like, a 16 yo nobody that vapes and wants to have a horrible life and has no future ahead of him." Unfortunately, i had no idea that the artist life was going to be a challenge, so i definately got over confident lol.

the third thing that i want to bring up is a question. is this what you guys want to see, art-wise? do ya'll want to see this type of art, or should i completely change the way i draw? because i'll make that sacrifice, if thats what you guys want. I just want to have fun making goofy shit, and not being a pathetic suck up that wants to be popular. I want to make friends, and i definately want to talk to the NG community, but that'll take some time :P

Again, im sorry for everything i've caused, for lying to all of you. i just want to make people happy. but not only that, but fix my mentality and my health for the better. I love every single one of you guys that are here to support me, and if you don't want to, then thats fine. I completely understand.

take care and stay safe ya'll, and have an amazing 4th of july.

also happy 247th anniversary to our independance.